One foot in front of the other.....

No truer word spoken!! So, my re-build, most definitely back at it.  Its a slow process as still substantially over-weight for what I am trying to achieve.  The positives are exciting though.  Since my visits to the physio my back is almost fully recovered, I'm not feeling any ill effects from my training and I feel soooooo mmmuuuccchhhh better each day.  My heel recovery seems to be a bit slower but the improvements are massive, I don't really suffer much now with it but I can still feel it a bit so I need to persevere with my rehabilitation strengthening exercises.  

What I'm loving is the fact that I can now get out and train, its not amazing stuff but at least I feel I'm now moving forward and progressing.  Yes I've had a setback but now I've just got to dig in and get back to where I want to be.  Just by being able to get back in the gym, not alone the running has improved my mental side of things.  My mindset is now fully focused and putting in the extra work required.  I'm just beginning my resilience training which should help pick me up a bit.

As Christmas is looming this means the Arc of Attrition is only around the corner, therefore my Christmas list is extensive or should I say very specific more to the point.  Due to the mandatory kit list there are a few items I need obtain plus a few upgrades needed.  Its actually quite exciting, I've opted for a bigger pack as I will be on my own with no crew on this adventure so I'll be carrying everything I need with only a few checkpoints and one drop bag for assistance.

Even now after 8 years from where I started my main motivations are to show my daughter what the human spirit can achieve when dig deep and look for something more.  I'm very much a believer in positive mindset and attitude, giving yourself the best chance possible and believing in yourself.  For most of us we have to learn these things, some people are naturally like this but does that come from there up bringing or life experiences!! We can definitely learning methods to help give us positivity but I think some people just laugh it or mock it but the simple things really do work.  Yeah sure it can feel forced at times but its about what you fall back on rely, such a positive comments, even little things when people ask how you are or how your day is going, rather than just say 'yeah not bad thanks', you could say 'yeah really good cheers' or 'brilliant thank you'.  What this does is builds a resilience wall as I like to think of it, and each brick I add keeps me where I need to be.  I don't even think about it now, so when it is harder or I need a bit of resilience i know how to cope with it.

My daughter is my motivator, my wife is my rock.  I will succeed in my pursuit of achieving not only the Hardmoors 160 but overall I will complete a 200 mile race.  May be not this year but I'm getting neaer everyday as my mindset is getting tougher and my body more resilient.  

I can, I will!!!

I CAN I WILL!!!

So not out of it yet..........

Yes you guessed it, I'm back in training and  remotivated with a vengeance.  I accept I'm not in a great place physically but it's almost like I enjoy that part of the challenge to, it makes me feel in control of my own body if that makes sense.  I'm not completely healed which is fine because I know this takes time, and in an ideal world I'd give myself longer before pushing on again, but I can't help myself. It feels good ha ha!!!!  My back is mending and I'm getting stronger each day.  I'm so much further on, I actually forgot what it was like to stand up straight, I feel 2 inches taller its fantastic. To not not feel pain every single day, getting out of bed, getting dressed, putting trainers on, getting in and out of the car etc etc its great!!

How have I re-started?

Well, I've listened I think that was the first step ha ha! I've taken in the advice given and what I've read up on.  Yes I know wow well done you lol!  The first step I've taken is to actually do the stretches and strength building exercises Jude (the physio) gave me, not only that I've done extra and pushed it once I felt the benefits.  Just the reduction in pain has been such a relief and a motivator.  I've now started doing some gym work as I just feel so weak and a bit shit physically. Once I started though, boom, its brilliant my legs are responding and I'm building my strength up.  I've missed the physical work, its not just the muscles and your physique its your mind.  It makes me feel happy, knackered yes but in a good way.

Last week as if by magic I got an email saying I'd got a place in The Grand Union Canal Race which is 145 miles from London to Birmingham, wow!  Scared and excited, and yes of course I accepted and off we go.  Now we have two major races lined up for next year and I'm getting my chance to do one of the most iconic Ultra Races in our country which has been on my list since the start.  Majorly excited and can't wait.  

My worry is that I now over do it in my overly eager ways to recover quick and push as hard as I can to become the best version of me possible.

How did I start I keep asking myself, was it through the love of running, no, it was through a burning desire and need to be better and show my daughter that you can be anything you want to be and achieve great things way beyond our initial limits or what we think are our limits.  What my life has shown me up to this point so far is that we can achieve far greater things and keep breaking down our own walls and barriers to become better versions of ourselves if we really want it. 

Its not over yet, my story is only just beginning!!! My journey has taken a few turns even dog leg corners lol but always moving forward!!

What do they say 'Impossible is nothing' which I agree with to a certain degree, but only with the love and support of my amazing wife.  Who always tells me exactly how it is, no BS!!!  

I CAN I WILL

ONWARDS!!!!

Starting again, or just a blip in the journey. Or is this the real test????

 I'm at a point where I'm not sure whether to just call it a day with a few things that my body is ultimately telling me I can't do.  I've had niggles and aches before which most of the time I accept as par for the course in what I do.  But when things are lasting over 9 months they start breaking your resilience down, questioning yourself, your motivation and desire.  I realise I'm not in my twenties but I'm not quite ready for my flat cap and slippers yet! Much to my wife's disappointment I'm sure ha ha!!  The question is tough, how do I get out of this rut I'm in? Overweight, again! fitness dropping rapidly!!! Motivation at an all time low!!!

First thing is to stop questioning if I can still do it.  Yes of course I can still do these things.  Maybe I need to train slightly different, do some research on my issues and add a different element to my training, adapt what I do to my age and body's restrictions.  Ask myself what it is I like to do and how important it is to my mental health, what makes me tick, and where do I go from here. 

What do I still want to achieve?

I'm content with my tennis but I feel I should always be trying to play, and play at the best level I can until I can't!  The problem with that is, time, practising and my failing body.  I still have to get through the week at work and that isn't much fun when constantly in pain with minor injuries affecting your basic movements.  The problem is for me to play well I need to be playing consistently and practising which I find difficult now so maybe this has to change for me to continue and stay inspired, motivated and involved.

My running has gone way past my initial goals and dreams of what I wanted and strived for so again I am happy with what I have done. But........... I just feel I can achieve the 160 if I can get all the elements right that I've work out I need to do it.  It is a big ask and I forget what a huge undertaking it is in not just my life but my whole family's.  What I also forget is what a massive thing it is to try, because I've been doing this so long now and taught myself to not get overwhelmed by the big numbers involved I've now forgotten what an incredible thing it is and think I need to just take stock of what I have achieved and the individual milestones I've pushed myself to do.  Just to achieve finishing such races as the MdS, Hardmoors 110 and Lakeland 100 on their own are massive but to have done all these plus more and then achieving the Hardmoors 1000 mile award was the icing on the cake.

Now I need to fix my body.  When I first began this journey I needed to heal what was broken inside, now I need to heal what is breaking on the outside.  Where my life has come in the last 10 years is just something that I couldn't imagine once but now I have an incredible wife supporting me that I love so so much and we have an incredible life I'm very lucky.  My amazing daughter who was and still is my inspiration and motivation. Initially all I was trying to do was to show her that if you put your mind to it, work hard, be disciplined then you can achieve great things.  I now have to two amazing step kids to motivate as well as to show my daughter that set backs happen but that is not what defines us, its how we cope and deal with these things and keep going even if we have further blips in the journey or days where we have to start the process again, and again if necessary.  We get up and give it 100% even with blips we can achieve our goals.

So yes its just another test, its a resilience to negativity test!  It's just another challenge right?  Part of the journey!  Its back to mind mountain, not all hills are to run up some we have to mentally climb.

So I think I once said, its all about small wins, bite size success and building blocks.  Its not going to be pretty for a while which I accept and until I figure out how to mend my body I have a chance to prepare myself the best I can with the things I can.

The only walls and barriers there are, are the ones we put up to make it easier to quit and choose the easy road.  The hard road leads to great things!!!

I'm not ready to quit!!