In defeat we learn lifes greatest lessons!

Northumberland 35, with minimal training I had already booked in for this event as I believed at the time or I hoped that firstly I would finally be free of injury and mainly that it would be perfect training for lead up to the HM55.  I also wanted to see what it was like and what experiences I would have ready for the Marathon de Sables next year as it would be a great event to test a few things out.
Since I wasn't going to stay over the night before my day started at 3.30am, I had all my kit packed and ready and food for the journey there and the essentials for the return journey.  Surprisingly I got up fine and felt pretty good, dare I say it but I was up for it!  I set off expecting it to take between 2 and 2 and half hours and it was exactly that, 2 hours 15 mins which left me with just enough time to get my kit together, vasoline my feet and make sure I had the right stuff with me before check in.
                                                         
 At registration it was the same apprehensive hussle and bussle.  Everyone looking nervous, feeling excited and going through there final preparation rituals.  The actual check-in was very quick and efficient, a number drawn on my hand and a timing key attached to my wrist and promptly told the race briefing will be held shortly outside in front of the castle.  After the usual do's and don'ts we headed down to the carpark to board the coaches that were to take us to the start Alnwick Castle (pronounced Anick, couldn't get my head round that so it ended up like a tongue twister).
                                                          
A bunch of people dancing round a field in the middle of nowhere, what must people passing be thinking???  mmmm 'look at those nutters!'  So after the enthusiastic count down from the race starter off we went into the unknown heading out to the coast.  This is one of the best parts of any race I think as everyone is full of energy, cheerfulness and zest.  Chattering away, talking of past conquests and future adventures we're all experiencing the same excitement, nervousness and joys.  That is how it starts, such a contrast to the conversations and feelings towards the end (which will be described later on, in detail ha ha).
                                                          
The field of runners soon spreads to become a trickle and eventually I'm on my own.  The trail to the coastline was beautiful, following the rivers curves, weaving and swirling towards the North Sea.  Stunning was our surroundings, and at this moment in time I felt like I could run forever.  So slowly  plodding along in my customary way wondering how the day would unfold.  Well, it wasn't long before I found out!  About 1o miles in and I am running through a village called 'Hipsburn', this pretty much summed up how I was.  My hip flexors were in a bad way, especially my right hip, burning and beginning to hamper my running.  It was making the lifting of my leg a problem, which was slowly making one of my quadriceps increasingly painful too.  This carried on for a period of time before the negativity began, it starts off as small things getting at you, before long your convincing yourself that you shouldn't even be there.  I even started convincing myself that I was going to pull out of the HM55 and the 110 and then I questioned doing the MdS I doubted my ability to overcome and solve any physical problems I was encountering.  I stopped, to stretch and re-group, which basically means I had to give myself a kick up the backside!  This gave me enough to get going again and push on.
                                                           
Running along the coastline through the dunes and on the beaches was unbelievable I loved it an will definitely be doing it again next year in preparation for the Sahara.  Once I had got past my difficult period I kept having good sections where I was able to get some good chunks of mileage done, constantly referring back to the best motivating saying ever of 'one foot in front of the other' and 'every step you take brings you closer to the end' and 'don't stop, keep moving forward no matter what' all these things help as constant messages to yourself.  You need these its important so make sure you know a few that you are going to repeat to yourself in times of need.  My hip wasn't completely ok but I was managing to carry on sufficiently to prove to myself that I was making ok headway.   The problem wasn't going away though, so with occasional reluctant short breaks I kept making a few important stretches that seemed to help enough to relieve the strains temporarily.  I new I could finish, but what was the damage going to be that was my greatest fear, not the current increasing pain but the length of time it was going to take to recover in the coming week!
                                                    
Once I had passed Dunstanburgh Castle which looked awesome and definite re-visit at some point, I felt like I just wanted to be on my way home and not run another 15 or so miles.  At this point I new I would make it ok just needed to battle on, but was it worth it.  I met a fellow runner who enquired to how I was, so unfortunately for him I told him ha ha!  I recounted his story from last years race where he and his running buddy were in the same boat and decided to call it a day once they reached the castle and finish with the Marathon distance (28miles) runners.  He said its not worth injuring yourself over, and since I'd done a fair distance already I should be happy with that.  Now I'm not sure what happened at this point, whether it was almost like someone had said its ok quit early or if someone had just given me the reassurance it was ok stop whilst the going was good.  I went with the positive, of course, and decided that it was a message that stopping early and injury free was a good thing and that I had done what I went there to do and that was to get some miles in the bank and to test my foot.  I had done this and passed the test, so why push it and set myself back further??? Good, I questioned myself countlessly and decided this was definitely the right thing to do, no shame in 28 miles and great training sessions aren't meant to injure but to make you stronger so take the hint and finish well but slightly early.  So this is what I did, even though it was extremely hard to not carry whether that is pride or the determination that I usually use to get me to the end I don't know but I was making the right choice for sure.  I can come back and finish it properly next year!
Progress over pride!  This was a massive moment for me, I just didn't realise it at the time as my pride was taking a bit of a beating.  Looking back a couple of days later whilst enjoying a fairly fast recovery and joy of no restrictive injury just a tight calf muscle, can I reflect on how pleased I am with my decision.  I owe the chap I spoke with, who at the time planted a negative seed in my head, but in reality made me think sensible about why I was there and what it was I am trying long term to achieve.  The battle and the war, some fights you have to walk away from to move forward and become stronger physically and mentally.  This could be a defining moment, I just couldn't see it at the time.

Finishing the run along the beach heading towards Bambrugh Castle was just something special and I can't wait to do it again.  The views were amazing and the trail that lead us to the finish was just breath taking I would advice anyone who can to do it and anyone who thinks they can't to over come that mentality and just go do it.  Its worth it, trust me!

So the countdown has begun, the preparations are in hand and the believing is being dreamt!  Its nearly time for the doing!!!
After dropping Olivia at school I had my kit ready so a mini run was due.  I didn't want to go far as I am running tomorrow and really just wanted to give my legs a little run out and get the blood pumping, probably more psychological than physical but I always feel slightly under prepared if I haven't.  My foot and ankle have been brilliant the last few days, even whilst out running today I could feel the difference not having that niggling injury hampering you and dominating your every thought.  It is unbelievable the difference your legs seem unchained and there is a sense of freedom in your movement and stride.  I really hope I don't mess up my recovery tomorrow by running, my preparation will involve making sure I have done everything I can beforehand to make it the best it can be then I will be taking my time and using every strategy I can think of to preserve it throughout the day.  If I can get through this event unscathed I can go on and get some good training in for the Hardmoors runs.  The plan is to just get through the day, I'm not expecting it to be pain free that would be unrealistic but I can limit the damage and then recover quickly before pushing on to the next challenge.
                                                
Its a weird feeling today as excited to be off doing another challenging event but apprehensive as I know how long its taken to get to this point in my recovery.  Fingers crossed and keep the faith!

It seems endless this journey, not that I'm complaining as I am dong what I want to do.  When I set out on this challenge I believed it would be straight forward progress from one distance to the next. What I didn't account for were setbacks, naïve maybe or as I would like to believe just a strong mental attitude towards achieving extreme things.  Yes there is a need for procedures and contingency plans for when things don't work out, but what I didn't envisage is such a lengthy hold back on my progress.  I didn't think a slight injury would have made it this difficult.  Therefore the psychological aspects of this makes it more interesting as the roller coaster of emotions and belief are the real struggle. It is also interesting after reading countless articles, blogs and posts from other ultra distance runners that this long lay off and dealing with it is probably best dealt with mentally by these runners than other sports people.  I'm not saying all, as its strong personalities, and there are all sorts of athletes out there who have this trait. It just seems more apparent in the long distance athlete, due to there endurance capacities in the mental or psychological field.  I love this side to it, I find it incredibly interesting how individuals deal with the long periods of time alone, the pain endured and the relentless psychological game that is played against yourself, no one else, just against yourself and this is what sets it apart from other sports, I think!

Is it the run itself, or the idea of the adventure, or the telling people what you've got planned and seeing the look on there faces and the wonder in there eyes of how crazy you are?  I think its possibly a little of all, what I personally love about it is just getting out there and doing something.  So why not just go for a walk I hear you say or a short run?  Why does it need to be so far?  I'm not sure why, there is an exhilaration or rush you get after completing it that just makes you want to do more.  There's a sense of adventure, a journey, doing something others don't or can't do and there's the succeeding or achieving that makes you want to keep going back and feeling those highs all over again.  I love the out doors and love doing exercise so its just a natural combination to me, it makes me tick, something to really train for or give purpose to your training.  Where's does it end? I'm not sure, does it have too!

Ahhhhh!   Finally to be out running on a winters day in the sunshine, freedom!  For the first time in a long time I have managed to complete a run pain free.  No little niggle, no excruciating ache, no tightness, no fear!  It was brilliant, its such little things in life that bring so much joy it really is.  Now not being a fast a runner it always amazes me when my pace is half decent and I can still breath, this was one of those days.  I was able to actually maintain the pace throughout the run and feel some confidence in my foot and heel, the saying 'spring in your step' comes to mind, and that's exactly how it felt!
So the temptation now is go out and blast some miles, but I am still very cautious and wary of doing this as I really really don't want this regress and I have to stop again or withdraw from events.    I have to build up my mileage slowly and strength my ankle without weakening it.  My main issue is I have an event I entered hoping I would have recovered in time next weekend so in 10 days time which is a mere 35 miles in Northumberland.  Ooooopppsss!  So the plan is going to be to finish it for sure but to go steady and have regular walking intervals to make sure I finish injury free.  That's the plan anyway ha ha!

I was thinking about my running the other day and wondered if my motivations or reasons had altered in any way, and have I become more addicted to this than before?  Difficult that I hear you say but what it has done recently, it has made me appreciate things we have and enjoy.  Inspiration, this also crossed my mind, what or who inspires me and has this changed yes and no really as I am still inspired by the same people and achievements but now there are more, the list is longer.  Take for instance Ranulph Fiennes, he was already on my list but even more so after completing the Marathon de Sables at the age of 70, wow!  How about this chap I keep reading about on Facebook called Mark Vaz, unbelievable running achievements at the moment he is running 1000 marathons back to backs I means that's ridiculous but amazing.  I just heard that Eddie Izzard is going to do 27 marathons in 27 days that's truly amazing especially when its people that don't necessarily do this already.  If you can't be inspired and motivated by these fantastic people which there are only a handful then there's no hope.  It makes me think I wonder what I could do if I actually tried!!!!

Desperation to overwhelming joy!
This is my merry-go-round of emotions relating to my heel and ankle every couple of days.  Its incredibly frustrating, as one minute you think that's it its never getting better and you can't even remember a time when you didn't feel the pain eeeking up your leg. To a day like yesterday when I couldn't believe it, there wasn't any pain or compensating or the desire to be careful as I didn't want to hurt it any more.  If its patterns you look for like me, then be ready as there seems to be none.  I tend to look for strategies that improve the situation coming from routines and procedures that alleviate the pain.  This has left umming and rrrring as every time I think I find a pattern or a solution that will help it teases me along then bites again when unaware ha ha! Sneaky very sneaky!  Really pleased today though as following on from yesterdays good vibes its even better again today.  This is following three days of running finishing with an 8 miler yesterday where it didn't hurt at all just a little tight later on in the evening and great again today.  I am taking this as a great positive and massive success with one great step towards recovery.  Could this be it.........

I think I may have found a new addiction, apart from the tinned fruit and Becks Blue that is, and its....swimming!  I don't even really enjoy but I feel its holding me back from doing what I want to now accomplish and that's not just a triathlon but a long distance triathlon.

Off I went this morning bright and early, with my eyes barely open and my body resisting being excited at the idea of going for a morning swim.  I did it though, I dragged myself there and had a splash then the Jacuzzi beckoned as I contemplated what it was that I intended to do.  As I know its good for my body and There's no impact on the joints it can only be a good thing so how to motivate ones self becomes the next task and this is where the seed is planted.  What if I were to sign up for something so ridiculous I would have no choice but to become better ha ha! Here we go again..........

I haven't even done the last challenge yet!!!!

Well after my revelations at the start of the week with the greatest day ever, maybe not quite that great but up there after this amount of time I have continued to have a great week.  I have limited the amount of running I have done but increased the amount I am doing in the gym.  I now have employed the services of yet another Chris to help my training along.  I met him on tuesday and went through all my ailments, weakness's and decrepidness ha ha! Then I said 'so do with me what you can!', he put me through my paces and we went through a few areas that I want to improve on which was perfect.  The only trouble was I was booked in to see Chris at Epoc the day after ooops!!!

This is perfect now especially for the time being whilst my level of running is reduced.  I have put a little more focus on gym, swim and diet.   My weight has come down again and I am as of today 14st 8lbs which is approximately a stone now since the start of January.  No big secrets or magic ways, just basics!  I stopped drinking alcohol, I am eating slightly less and not as late on with a little more thought into what I am eating and I am keeping up the regular exercise.  What is a little odd is that I seemed to have acquired a taste for Becks Blue non-alcoholic larger and tinned fruit,  not sure if this is me craving the sugars from them but I seemed not be able to get enough of them lol!

My ankle maybe considerably better but it is definitely not perfect yet and I think there is a way to go until it is.  What is great is the pain under the foot has gone unless put under considerable stress like a full day on the court or excessive training days.  This is now just about management, I have to prepare before I train and I need to do the after care.  It sounds excessive and in reality it probably is but like I have said in the past this is now about confidence and the mental game.  I have to know I can rely on it and trust it to not be the weak link so its about getting it back to the level I expect from it.

Not much going on this weekend training wise, maybe Sunday at some point but the rest will be good ready for a good week next week.  Great news last night though, as planning a little trip in the summer to the Alps and climbing a little rock called Gran Paradiso which is approximately 4000m so will be the highest I have ever been up.  Can't wait its exciting stuff!

AWESOME!!!!!

That's how I'd describe it!  The feeling of finally being pain free from something that's hung around for nearly 10 months.  Its the first day I have managed to get out of bed and not had the instant pain and distress emanating from my foot through my ankle, ahhh bliss.  I actually didn't think this day would ever come, it has been that long it almost becomes normal.  It becomes a daily ritual to be hesitant when placing your foot on the ground, it becomes ritual to constantly be thinking of stretching and it becomes a ritual to be constantly adapting your walk and weight transfer accordingly to minimise the discomfort.  It is one of those great moments in life when you realise how great things are, yes I know its only a little injury in the grand scheme of things and there's plenty of people who live daily with no hope of recovery with much worse but for me this is a release and for that I am hugely grateful.

Its not completely over yet, as there is a recovery phase that will include more stretching, mobilization and strength work, yes more new rituals ha ha!   This time though it is the knowledge of the sight of the end of the tunnel.  It means I can gradually increase some distance in my running and hopefully get myself prepared for the tasks that lay ahead.  What's important now is to not go crazy and do too much.  It has to be progressive and built up with constant attention.  Is it in the head, maybe, but too regain confidence there has to be no weak links.  Whilst this has been a weak link there's been an excuse, a way out, something to blame and that is the weakness not the injury.

Now I have to just pray I can get through a long day on the tennis court and not over stress it.  I will definitely be icing tonight as now I know I am close to being back in the game!