I'm at a point where I'm not sure whether to just call it a day with a few things that my body is ultimately telling me I can't do. I've had niggles and aches before which most of the time I accept as par for the course in what I do. But when things are lasting over 9 months they start breaking your resilience down, questioning yourself, your motivation and desire. I realise I'm not in my twenties but I'm not quite ready for my flat cap and slippers yet! Much to my wife's disappointment I'm sure ha ha!! The question is tough, how do I get out of this rut I'm in? Overweight, again! fitness dropping rapidly!!! Motivation at an all time low!!!
First thing is to stop questioning if I can still do it. Yes of course I can still do these things. Maybe I need to train slightly different, do some research on my issues and add a different element to my training, adapt what I do to my age and body's restrictions. Ask myself what it is I like to do and how important it is to my mental health, what makes me tick, and where do I go from here.
What do I still want to achieve?
I'm content with my tennis but I feel I should always be trying to play, and play at the best level I can until I can't! The problem with that is, time, practising and my failing body. I still have to get through the week at work and that isn't much fun when constantly in pain with minor injuries affecting your basic movements. The problem is for me to play well I need to be playing consistently and practising which I find difficult now so maybe this has to change for me to continue and stay inspired, motivated and involved.
My running has gone way past my initial goals and dreams of what I wanted and strived for so again I am happy with what I have done. But........... I just feel I can achieve the 160 if I can get all the elements right that I've work out I need to do it. It is a big ask and I forget what a huge undertaking it is in not just my life but my whole family's. What I also forget is what a massive thing it is to try, because I've been doing this so long now and taught myself to not get overwhelmed by the big numbers involved I've now forgotten what an incredible thing it is and think I need to just take stock of what I have achieved and the individual milestones I've pushed myself to do. Just to achieve finishing such races as the MdS, Hardmoors 110 and Lakeland 100 on their own are massive but to have done all these plus more and then achieving the Hardmoors 1000 mile award was the icing on the cake.
Now I need to fix my body. When I first began this journey I needed to heal what was broken inside, now I need to heal what is breaking on the outside. Where my life has come in the last 10 years is just something that I couldn't imagine once but now I have an incredible wife supporting me that I love so so much and we have an incredible life I'm very lucky. My amazing daughter who was and still is my inspiration and motivation. Initially all I was trying to do was to show her that if you put your mind to it, work hard, be disciplined then you can achieve great things. I now have to two amazing step kids to motivate as well as to show my daughter that set backs happen but that is not what defines us, its how we cope and deal with these things and keep going even if we have further blips in the journey or days where we have to start the process again, and again if necessary. We get up and give it 100% even with blips we can achieve our goals.
So yes its just another test, its a resilience to negativity test! It's just another challenge right? Part of the journey! Its back to mind mountain, not all hills are to run up some we have to mentally climb.
So I think I once said, its all about small wins, bite size success and building blocks. Its not going to be pretty for a while which I accept and until I figure out how to mend my body I have a chance to prepare myself the best I can with the things I can.
The only walls and barriers there are, are the ones we put up to make it easier to quit and choose the easy road. The hard road leads to great things!!!
I'm not ready to quit!!
